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“That’s a frustration,” he said, “and an impediment to having a good healthy marriage over the long run.” “Marriage has the potential to be really refining and call out your best sense of character, values and love, but it’s not going to automatically do something to make you good or special,” he said.

When you have a more realistic vision of what marriage is going to be like, you can better prepare for that time in your life as well as be okay with where you are in your life right now. Marriage is a wonderful goal to work towards, but it isn’t the end-all, be-all of life.

“If it follows this script mentality, it isn’t really your story. “You’re not the one who is living and growing and deciding.

You’re just kind of following along in a passive way that won’t be healthy because that’s not what life is about.” Erickson continued, “It’s not good to think of marriage as a reward for righteous behavior.

It’s okay for you to want to date a lot, form relationships and have great experiences at college.

It’s normal to hope to get married during or shortly after college.

Erickson said that phase two usually starts when the individual is in college.

“It’s about coming to understand the individual’s identity, having fun and feeling more independent.” Erickson also said that phase one is not the time to be thinking about marriage.He said this is the most mature phase when you are ready to make an important adult decision.Erickson said when people understand that relationships tend to follow these three stages, they can focus more on improving themselves and being patient with the timing of their romantic relationships.Marriage doesn’t instantly transform you into a perfect individual.Mark Ogletree, a licensed family counselor, said, “When couples first get married, it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling marriage is a destination.

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